guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
