shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
