he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
