I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
