It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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