You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
