If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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