My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
