went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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