Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
