I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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