I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
