Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
