dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
