My first STD was from a foam party
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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