Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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