just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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