So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
