we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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