i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
