So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
