Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
