Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
