physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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