FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
