I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
