Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We are two peas in an std pod
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
