About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My balls are so social today.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
