Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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