You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
