One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
