i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
