I just cut my nipple shaving
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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