If i come over, it means nothing
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
