Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
