dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
