Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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