i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
