i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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