Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
