Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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