I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
