I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
