For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
