thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
