Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
