This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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