Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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