herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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