Screwed.edu
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
