The maid of honor just puked.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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