Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
