So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
